


in that waterlogged body of yours, what do you say?

by Syorein



Series: explorations into death [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Confusing narration, Gen, really this is all over the place, week 2 quarantine fic!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syorein/pseuds/Syorein
Summary: Where Regulus Black is born knowing he will die and the rest is a derogative on life.(canon compliant.)
Series: explorations into death [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1682467
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	in that waterlogged body of yours, what do you say?

**Author's Note:**

> I,,,,this is a weird fic. I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this, but it happened. I kinda hate what I wrote here too but I require validation so I posted this.
> 
> also, first fic after quarantine—yay. you'd think during the two weeks I'd have written something, but no. at least I finally got something out now lmao

The moment he stands before that lake, he knows that this is it.

Years of something deep and quiet slumbers forward from the marrow of his bones and finally, this was what it was waiting for.

He doesn't want to die, no one ever really does, he thinks.

But the truth of the matter is that he's known that this was coming, as the years went by— _as that echo of death resonated within him every year he got to live_ —

Maybe this could've been avoided, or maybe that's just wild wishful thinking on his part.

He wonders if his life will flash before his eyes, or if he's going to regret this, but the crux of the matter is that he doesn't quite feel, well, anything.

It's hard to put into words, but this was the one certainty he could believe in after he lost— _Siri_ —anything that he could put faith into.

Or maybe he never put faith into anything, in the first place.

Half the time he doesn't know if what he's feeling is actually real, or if he's out here just emulating whatever emotions he sees that matches what is societally correct.

Maybe he was never human.

It seems like a running hypothesis that only gains more and more truth as the poison floods down his throat and into every crevice of his body.

He still, even in the end, is incapable of feeling.

Except he is— _he's scared, and tired, and lost, and lonely, and he wants Sirius_ —but maybe that's also a lie.

He's spent so long knowing what will happen, of death built into his very existence, that maybe it ate out everything that ever made Regulus Black, _Regulus Black_.

A shell of a human.

The thought would've made him laugh if his throat wasn't preoccupied with screaming apologies that he doesn't know or remember having hidden in his thoughts.

Really, in the end, wasn't he just a farce attempting to love?

Black spots glitter across his vision.

Well. It's almost time. There's only one thing left to do.

Scrounging any energy left in that pitiful shell of his, he tells— _his best friend, the only existence wherein the truth of his being will be known unto the universe_ —Kreacher that he must leave.

The small being that houses the knowledge of both himself and the ending parts of a story that is left to be told, cries.

Oh, you poor thing, a part of his soul mutters.

You should not cry over such a pitiful shell, an existence of which has only ever weaved through life in an attempt to end it.

He thinks that something in that beating heart of his, of the crawling peace that's slowly encroaching on him, warms at the gesture.

Regulus Black— _or whatever that was that occupied that body_ —blinks.

And then anything that is alive in that damned cave—

is gone.

**Author's Note:**

> the concept of knowing of your death, of the surety in which it will occur, has always been something I've wanted to explore in various characters (ranging from Regulus to Dimitri in FE3H and Akechi from P5, really it was a matter of time until a fic of this nature emerged from the depths of my google docs).
> 
> an extra commentary: regulus is exactly who he is in canon. within this fic, I mean. He's just heavily disassociating, to a point, because he doesn't understand a life where one does not know that they are going to die. the manner in which death is known is actually really hard for me to explain despite me being a not-too-shitty writer, but that's the shitty part I guess lol


End file.
